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Ask Nancy... How to Change Your Focus to Win Back HusbandQUESTION: My husband has announced that he wants a marriage separation after being married for 17 years. He said he’s tired of my badgering him with questions about how he's feeling about us, if he thinks our marriage will work out, if he’s having an affair, etc. I can't seem to stop myself, even though I know that this is only making things worse. I feel so uptight. What can I do to win back my husband? ANSWER: When you're anxious and worried, it's easy to let your fears get out of hand. Your whole world narrows down to several questions, such as "Does he still love me?" "Is he going to leave me?" and "Will our marriage make it? " |
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To Win Back Husband, You Must Overcome FearUnderneath the questions and anxieties lies a huge well of fear — fear that you need the other person, fear that you won't be able to make it without him, fear that you won't ever be happy again. There can also be fear that you'll feel like a failure if your marriage ends. These fears stand in your way if you want to save your marriage. If you keep focusing exclusively on these questions and fears, you'll be a nervous wreck and this will make it even harder to win back your husband. Why? Because you'll feel like a helpless victim whose future happiness is in someone else's hands. And that would make anyone nervous! The best marriage advice is to make a commitment to yourself that you're going to be okay no matter what happens in your marriage. This is essential if you're going to have any sense of personal power. And it's that sense of personal power that will give you the determination to focus on the other areas of your life so that you'll be more balanced. Your marriage relationship is just part of your life. Your life also needs to include other things such as friends, hobbies, personal interests, exercise/sports, self-growth activities, spiritual connections, or volunteer work. Balance and Support Will Help Win Back HusbandPicture a table with four legs. One leg might become wobbly, but the other three still hold up the table. The same is true for you. If you have some other things in your life that bring you satisfaction, then you'll have more to balance and support you while you're having problems with one area, such as your marriage. So if you've neglected your friends,
make some phone calls and plan some get-togethers. Find a community
agency that needs volunteers. Sign up
for a night class or weekend seminar. Start lifting weights or playing
racquetball. Keep busy, keep growing, Then it will be easier to manage your insecurity and fears about your marriage because you'll have other things to think about and do. You'll be calmer, more focused, and more balanced. As a result, you'll be able to make wiser decisions about how you want to relate to your husband and what will be most helpful for your marriage. And that will give you the best chance to win back your husband. * * * * *
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