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How to Get Husband Back
And Stop Divorce
By Nancy Wasson, Ph.D.
QUESTION: My husband and I are so different that I find myself getting
frustrated with him nearly every day. We’ve been married eight years,
and it seems that we’d agree on more things after all this time,
but it feels just the opposite.
I don’t understand how he can think the way he does. He has a lot
of opinions about everything and I disagree with most of them. For instance,
his idea of a great Saturday evening is to stay home and rent some movies.
My idea of a fun Saturday night is to eat out and then listen to some live
music or go dancing.
He enjoys fishing; that bores me to tears. I want to go to
Las Vegas for our summer vacation, but he wants to go camping in the Canadian
Rockies. Politically, we cancel each other ’s vote at the polls.
Tips to Stop Divorce When Friction Builds
For years I’ve nagged and tried to change him. Finally last month
he announced that he couldn’t deal with my controlling behavior
anymore and that he wanted to try a marriage
separation while we go
to marriage counseling. He said that he was tired of living with a controlling
wife causing marital problems.
What can I do to win my
husband back and save my marriage?
ANSWER: It is challenging when two people with opposite opinions and
preferences butt heads. There’s an interesting dynamic that many
couples experience as time goes by. In a nutshell, this principle states
that over time, the traits that originally attracted a couple can instead
turn out to be what most annoys each of them.
This means that early in your relationship with your husband, you may
have found some of the differences between you interesting, intriguing,
and positive. They may have contributed fuel to the passion--hence, the
widely quoted theory that “opposites attract.”
But as time went by, some of the very traits that may have originally
attracted you now are the ones that irritate and frustrate you. Those traits are now causing marriage problems in your relationship.
Of course,
you both most likely had more patience with each other in the beginning
of your relationship when you were still wearing those famous “rose-colored
glasses.”
Differences Provide a Path to Get Back
Your Husband
The best marriage
guidance to win back your husband and stop
divorce could be to reframe your situation. In other words, reinterpret the
differences
between you and your husband so that you you think of them differently.
Try seeing
the differences
as an opportunity to learn and grow. They expose you to different perspectives
and viewpoints and make you think. They also keep you from getting
too complacent and stagnant.
In addition, the irritating differences offer you the chance to practice
patience, understanding, and respect as you and your husband struggle
to make decisions that are fair to both of you. And there is another viewpoint
to consider. Dr. Wayne W. Dyer in the book Real Magic: Creating Miracles
in Everyday Life writes that it’s not necessary for you to totally
understand your spouse.
He discusses relinquishing your need to understand everything about your
partner. According to Dr. Dyer, “You are together not to understand
each other, but to aid each other in living a life at purpose.”
He continues by stating, “You can accept that person and say to
yourself, ‘I don’t think that way, but she does, and I can
honor that. It is why I love her so much, not because she is like me,
but because she provides me with what I am not...I love her not for what
I understand but for that invisible soul that is in back of that body
and all those actions.’”
How to Get Back Husband by Changing Focus
To win your husband back, you can work on changing your focus to how
you and your spouse can support each other’s life goals and help
each other to be all each of you can be. Try to think of the irritating
habits as idiosyncrasies that make your partner the wonderful person that
he is.
The best marriage guidance to winning back your husband is to focus on what's
good about your difference. Try keep an appreciation for the unique
differences between you and your husband and to respect
his right to
have different attitudes, traits, and preferences than you do. The
differences that you bring to the table can enrich your children’s
experiences as they learn by example how to create win-win situations
when individuals
disagree. And that’s a trait that will help to prepare them for
the real world ahead.
* * * * *
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