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Save Marriage from Divorce…
Ten Ways to Add Romance and Fun
by Nancy Wasson, Ph.D.
Every marriage needs a good dose of on-going romance to add delight, spice, and fun to the relationship. It’s not enough just to start out with a sizzling romance. You have to find a way to keep the romance alive as the months and years go by to save your marriage from becoming too predictable and boring.
One of the challenges many married couples face is how to live together without losing that special romantic spark. It’s all too easy to forget (or never learn) the many ways to show love that convey romance and excitement. When this happens, spouses often start relating to each other as they would to a sibling or a friend.
What many partners don't understand is that this state of affairs can be the first step in the decline of the relationship that may ultimately result in marital problems, sessions with a marriage counselor, and eventual marriage separation and divorce.
Parents can begin to feel they are only “business partners” joined together to raise their children and keep the household running. And yet, marriage crisis can be avoided if you know what to do up front.
How can you keep romance alive when your daily work schedule is difficult, you’re always short on energy and time, and you’re not sure what to do? Here are ten tips to help you add romance into your marriage:
- Pay attention when your partner mentions things he or she likes or expresses interest in something that could make a good gift, such as a new CD, a book, or theater/concert/sports tickets. Be on the lookout for ideas for holiday, birthday, and anniversary gifts, plus “no reason” surprise gifts. It’s very flattering to know that someone really tried to find a gift that was exactly what you wanted.
- Frequently offer shoulder massages, foot massages, and full-body massages to your spouse. You’ll get plenty of romantic brownie points in your “relationship bank account” if you keep some great-smelling lotion handy and take ten minutes to massage your spouse’s tired feet at the end of a long work day. Note: If you expect to be rewarded for your efforts by sex, you won’t gather any points for being romantic. Your spouse will just think you have an ulterior motive when you offer a massage in the future.
- Giving sweet letters and cards to your spouse can be romantic, as can emails and phone messages that share your feelings and passion. Handwritten letters sent through the mail are becoming more and more of a rarity. That’s great for you because that means your spouse will think you’re really romantic for taking the time to write a love letter by hand and mail it. That will make more of an impression than just sending an email if you want to get extra brownie points.
- Another way to be romantic is to look for chances to pamper and spoil your spouse. That might be letting a spouse sleep in late while you watch the kids, or it could be telling your partner to sit down and relax while you clean up after dinner. The key is in the delivery of the offer. You might say, “Nothing’s too good for my honey” or “You’re such a love. It’s fun to pamper you.” You can accompany your words with a hug or kiss.
- Talking in front of your spouse to someone else about your mate’s good points is romantic. Take full advantage of opportunities to say, ‘I’m so lucky to have such a supportive wife (or husband)—she’s such a treasure. I’m a lucky man.” You can also do this when you’re talking on the phone and know that your partner is within listening range. If you’re not sure your spouse heard you, when you get off the phone ask, “Did you hear me telling my sister what a great husband you are? I was really bragging on you!”
- In the romance department, plants, flowers, candy, or a special home-cooked meal never go out of favor. Many females love to receive beautiful fresh flowers or a box of delicious chocolate candy. Both husbands and wives can appreciate the efforts of a spouse to put together an intimate, special home-cooked meal by candlelight with music playing and flowers on the table.
- Surprise your spouse with a framed picture of the two of you in a setting that will bring back pleasant memories. Another option is to frame a picture of your mate that shows him or her in a flattering way and let your partner know how much you love the photo. Keep it on your nightstand, computer, dresser, or desk and let your partner see you looking at it admiringly.
- Take the initiative to plan a surprise weekend outing. Call and make all the arrangements ahead of time. The outing doesn’t have to be complex or expensive. It might be as simple as planning a picnic at a nearby scenic spot. You might prepare the surprise picnic lunch when your mate is in the shower. Or you might make arrangements for a restaurant to pack a gourmet lunch for the two of you that you could pick up on your way out of town.
- Music that you and your partner both like can set a romantic tone. If you see a movie that you both enjoyed a lot, you might consider buying the sound track as a surprise gift the following week. You could also select a song that you both like and decide to make it “your song.” Or you could pick a tune and tell your spouse that it reminds you of him or her for some positive reason.
- Celebrate every occasion you can think of—the anniversary of the day you met, when you became engaged, your wedding anniversary, your birthdays, seeing the full moon, and anything else you can come up with. You can toast with champagne (or non-alcoholic champagne) and perhaps have a celebration dinner. But it can be just as fun to make a big deal out of going out for an ice cream cone to celebrate.
Every marriage needs on-going romance to add delight, spice, and great memories to treasure and save. Marriage can be fun—just understand what you need to do and then take action.
To not take action when you know the consequences of inaction only invites marriage problems. And nobody wants extra stress in their life, isn't that right?
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