Marriage Counseling Advice for the Holidays

Marriage Counseling Expert says, “Stop – Holidays Are No Time to Split Up”

What is marriage counseling expert Nancy Wasson’s best advice for couples planning to split up over the holidays? “Don’t do it now!” she warns.

BIRMINGHAM, AL - Dec. 1, 2005 – Marriage counseling expert Nancy Wasson has advice for couples planning to call it quits over the holidays. “Don’t break up now,” she says. “Things are stressful enough this time of year without visiting the trauma of a marriage separation on yourself and your family.”

Wasson admits it’s hard to get excited about holiday decorating, gift giving, family dinners and parties-parties-parties when you’re co-existing in the same household with a husband or wife with whom you are anything but close.

Is there a way to get through it?

“Yes,” she assures. “But first, you must look the situation straight in the face. You can’t check out or wave a wand and make the holidays disappear, no matter how much you want to. But you can learn ways to relax and practice patience as you make your way through the season.

Wasson offers ten tips for surviving December in one piece – even when your marriage is falling apart.

• Fight depression with action. At the first sign you’re sinking, break the cycle and reach out. When you crawl inside yourself there’s no where to go but down.

• Stay in the present moment. Speculating on the worst possible outcome for your marriage instead of focusing on what you can control today prevents opportunities for growth and change.

• Monitor your self-talk. Tell yourself: “I can get through this. Little by little, day by day, I am taking positive steps and making sound choices for a brighter future. I can’t do it all at once, but I certainly can do it.”

• Release the burden of unrealistic expectations – yours and others. You cannot pretend everything is fine when it’s not. Don’t be embarrassed to accept help. For instance, take a break by allowing trusted friends to include your kids in activities they have planned for their children.

• Take good care of yourself. Get extra rest. Unfortunately, alcohol and junk food abound during the holiday season. Don’t let the thought of a marriage separation cause you to overindulge.

• Plan for key events and special days and be quick to accept invitations from loved ones. This is one year when you don’t have to do the cooking.

• Simplify. Simplify. Simplify. What in your traditional holiday schedule can be modified, deleted and replaced by something else? Can you delegate some of your responsibilities? Eliminate as many “obligations” as possible. What would you prefer to do instead?

• Stay in close contact with people you enjoy most, such as church friends and favorite family members. Distance yourself from negative, judgmental people and ignore prying questions. Now more than ever, you need to connect with the positive people in your life.

• Many folks take off work during the holidays but there is one group of professionals still readily accessible – marriage counseling experts. They know they’re needed to help patch over the rough spots caused by holiday stress. If you feel on edge and want to clear your head and talk privately with someone outside your inner circle, call a marriage counselor. These professionals can help put your life in perspective and sort through what’s important from what isn’t.

• Focus on what is good in your life. Read uplifting books, listen to motivational tapes and inspiring music. Exercise, do small favors for friends and corny as it sounds, don’t forget to smile whenever you can. This is food for the soul.

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Marriage Counselor Nancy Wasson, Ph.D., has been a Licensed Professional Counselor for more than twenty years. She coaches couples in unhappy marriages and provides marriage advice through the privacy of telephone and email consultations. She is the co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I Don’t Love You Anymore!"